What to do when you are besieged by flying monkeys

by VelvetFletcher on March 21, 2014

in Flash Fiction,People are annoying

God fucking dammit.

I swore under my breath as the flying monkeys swooped around the windows again. I’d given up on outrunning them, instead retreating to the safety of this house. The four walls around me were hardly a deterrent though, and the dratted beasts were still flinging shit at me. At each other too, but flying monkeys are like that. Unreliable minions at best.

I double checked the window bolts. I was pretty sure they couldn’t magic themselves inside without permission, much like vampires, but I wasn’t one hundred percent certain, so bolts it was. And garlic too, but that was neither here nor there. Probably just an old wives tale, but who was going to dismiss anything when you were under siege?

I pulled the curtains shut and stomped away. Maybe I’d bake something to distract myself. Maybe I’d check my emails.

No. Not emails.

Since someone gave the bastards iPhones, flying monkeys were becoming adept at using technology. Opposable thumbs you see. Useful for scrolling on a touch screen.

I knew I shouldn’t have done it. I’d gone and poked at the Thinkers and now here I was, jeans covered in shit, stuck inside a safe house in the middle of the day.

The Thinkers didn’t like being poked at. Didn’t like having their dogma questioned. Like: Why do I have to follow their rules? Is wearing yellow on Tuesdays really going to save me from Minotaur? Since when had anyone ever seen a Minotaur on a Tuesday anyway?

“That’s why this works”, the Thinkers whisper. “We reduced Minotaur attacked by 200% since everyone began wearing yellow on Tuesdays.”

I wasn’t so sure. Maybe the Minotaur disappeared because someone out there realised their horns were great for virility.

Yesterday, I’d gone to the Towers to petition a relaxation of the charm laws. Charms made me twitchy, and the ones around my doorways always made my teeth ache after I came inside.

To say it hadn’t gone well is an understatement. Thrown out after five minutes, I could hear the Head Thinker screaming at the closing door.

“It’s not your job to question! These things were put in place for the benefit of everyone! What would happen if everyone did something different? Preposterous.”

His voice faded into the distance as the gatekeepers hefted me across the boundary.

“Get out and stay out,” the largest one hissed at me as she gave me one last push for good measure.

Look, I know. I shouldn’t have thrown the rock. I really shouldn’t have. But I’m not good with rules at the best of times, and I was frustrated, all right? Plus, I had a job to do and so far I’d done terribly.

So I threw a rock, hit a gatekeeper and caused a veritable shit storm to follow me home. Literally.

Flying monkeys were the worst. No one quite knew where they came from, but they always appeared when someone called. Especially the Thinkers. Probably called down by all the sexual frustration, but you know how Thinkers are.

A knock on the door made me jump. I wasn’t sure monkeys were the kind to knock first, but I grabbed my broom just in case. It wasn’t as good a weapon as say, a sword or a spear, but someone had decided my role in life when I was a child, and weapon wielding wasn’t it. Stupid, really.

Another knock. I sidled up to the door, placing my feet carefully, watching to make sure my shadow didn’t fall across the glass. A quick peek under the curtain, and I breathed out, relieved.

It took me a moment to unlatch the multiple locks I had engaged, but Jack was smiling when he saw me.

“Thank god you’re here Reena. There’s signs up all over the city. The freethinkers are exposed.”

I gasped, rushing him inside before the monkeys spotted us.

“Take your boots off first.” I waved my hands at him. “What the hell happened Jack? We had a plan.”

He shrugged, padding through to the kitchen, comfortable despite the dull thuds hitting the walls still.

“It all went to shit Reena. Someone picked up Michel last night, and Adela got a knock on her door this morning. Sula ran. Three others are vanished. I was sure you’d be gone too.”

I shook my head. “I’ve been under siege since my part yesterday. For the record, I don’t think distracting the monkeys was the best use of my skills.”

He gave me a twisted look. “I tried to tell them that.”

I sat down, dropping my head into my hands. Jack continued to pace.

“Jesus wept.” I said.” Now I’m trapped here and nothing has gone to plan.” I looked up. “How’d you escape? Come to think of it, how’d you get through the monkeys unscathed?”

Jack looked at me sorrowfully.

“I’m sorry Reena.”

“Jesus Jack, what for?”

He stopped pacing, carefully keeping his hands in front of him.

The window shattered. Monkey shit hurtled across the kitchen.

“You invited them in?”

Jack nodded sadly. “I had no choice. They’ve got my boys.”

The betrayal stung. I had enough time to throw my chair at him and bolt before the monkeys came through the windows.

I had a last glimpse of Jack sunk to the ground, a picture of misery as I headed for the back of the house. Monkey handlers were here now, I could hear the screeching as I did my disappearing act.

Jack’s voice cut through the noise. “You can’t run Reena! Freethinkers aren’t welcome anywhere anymore.” He broke off into a sob.

Into the back bedroom, I barred the door. Behind the fireplace screen was my escape route. What’s the point of a safe house without numerous ways out?

I slid the screen sideways, squeezing myself into the gap. If I was careful, I should be able to get out of here with my brain intact.

Maybe some of the freethinkers were out there still.

I crawled, desperately, choking on dust and ashes. The tunnel wasn’t well maintained and my knees bled as rocks cut through my jeans.

Not long now. Another few metres.

Then sunlight, and freedom.

I emerged under a hedge, the dappled light colouring my skin green and grey. I had a moment to catch my breath before I had to decide my direction. Would Sula be at the river? Or would she have headed for the trees? I tried to weigh my options.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed the back of my neck.

I struggled. Twisting, I kicked my leg backwards, aiming for my captor’s stomach.

He grunted. “Little bitch.”

Then: A pinprick in my neck. A chortle. I slumped to the ground, my legs refusing to obey. Someone stood over me, blocking out the light. A hazy impression of dark eyes and light hair.

“There’s no room for freethinkers in our society Reena. We do these things for your own benefit. Everything is for the betterment of society.” His voice was honey covered steel. I wanted to kill him.

I tried to spit on him as he crouched down next to me, but he only smiled.

“There there. Everything will be better when you give in. The Thinkers know what’s best. They know what your plan is in life. Don’t fight me Reena. There’s no point.”

Everything went black.



Comments on this entry are closed.


1 Luke March 21, 2014 at 2:48 pm

Oh dear.

2 VelvetFletcher March 21, 2014 at 3:21 pm

Sigh. Don’t you have anything better to do than stalk my website?

3 Luke Devine March 21, 2014 at 8:47 pm

It was ‘recommended’ to me. Tough going Velvet.


You can do it at home.

4 VelvetFletcher March 22, 2014 at 7:25 am

While I appreciate your concern over my writing abilities and perceived lack of education, I’m tired of your behaviour Luke.

It’s funny, I write a whole article for an online magazine about how I think Uni education isn’t for me, and you recommend Uni education. Clearly you think I’m so stupid I don’t even know how stupid I am.

I’ll very politely point out Luke, when someone is writing under a pen name, the assumptions you make about them are usually incorrect.

Now, you’re skating on very thin ice. Go away little boy before I ban your IP from commenting. Your unwanted crits could be better put to use somewhere else.

5 Luke Devine March 22, 2014 at 3:11 pm

I don’t make any assumptions beyond the information you have supplied Velvet. But it’s fine. My point is made and my work here is done.

6 Naty March 23, 2014 at 2:16 am

@Luke Devine. Your point is made!?

What point, is it exactly you are making?. Reading through your comments I can only pick up that you are arguing for the sake of being an academic dick. People write for exactly the same reason as others read; it feels good. Going on an author’s page and attempting to belittle the writing, without providing at least a link to your own work is malicious.

You are a ‘loose pants’ Literary buffoon without a cause and so you try to create one. YOU ARE A DICK.

7 Jimmy March 26, 2014 at 8:31 pm

Well I really enjoyed this story and think u should keep going with ur writing.

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