Masturbation shock. And not the electric kind.

by VelvetFletcher on January 19, 2014

in Humour

A few years ago, I was standing on a street corner in Melbourne with friends, waiting for the lights to change. I’d been out to dinner with a few girlfriends after a conference we’d all attended. Our conversation had been frank, and funny, and we were all high on good food and better company.

From the other direction, a few other acquaintances showed up, spilling from the door of a nearby restaurant. We all knew each other and fell into easy conversation.

Somehow, the subject of sex toys came up. I can neither confirm nor deny that I was the one to bring them up, but needless to say, there we were on a street at midnight, discussing sex toys, and the usefulness thereof.

One woman, Ella*, blushed, turning red enough we could tell despite the darkness.

“Wait, you don’t have sex toys?” I asked.

She shook her head. “I have a husband.” She said, shrugging as if that explained everything.

Now, you need to bear in mind, we all had husbands. None of us were single ladies needing a little light battery powered relief in lieu of an available penis.

“What do you do when you just want a quick wank before you fall asleep?” One of my friends asked.

“I wake my husband up.” Ella said, seeming shocked we would even suggest she see to her own needs.

“Wait.” I broke in. “Every time you want an orgasm, you get your husband involved?”

Ella nodded.

My friends and I looked at each other in shock.

“You never masturbate? Ever?” I pressed my point.

Ella blushed harder, if that was possible. “Never.”

Wow. We were shocked.

“You need to get yourself a vibrator and an hour alone.” Another friend said, nodding her head wisely. We agreed, and the subject turned to other things.

I’ve thought about this conversation on and off ever since. Firstly, Ella’s shock that we all masturbated and weren’t afraid to discuss it openly amongst ourselves. Secondly, our husbands knew about our marital aids and openly endorsed their use.

Ella never spoke to me again. I can only assume she found my open attitude about masturbation offensive.

Whereas I occasionally wonder if she ever got a vibrator, or if she was one of the lucky souls whose husband was always available to fulfil her every need.

But more seriously, was Ella actually living in the kind of raunchy erotic novelesque type marriage where everyone cums multiple times and no one ever sleeps in the wet spot.

Enquiring minds need to know.

*not her real name. Obviously.

Comments on this entry are closed.


1 veronicasbook January 25, 2014 at 11:21 am

Ha, this could have been me, no, actually it was me. I totally get Ella. Even when hubby was at work (he is some 2000k away) I wouldn’t masturbate. I seriously never felt the ‘need’. And when hubby was at home we would both be fulfilled by the time he went back to work. I know what he does at work, no issue, and now, on occassion I might masturbate, but it’s not something that’s important to me in that way. Seriously, my husband does it for me every time!
And I very rarely, as in never, talk about this sort of stuff. But because Veronica is my naughty side, I’m letting her answer this one.

2 VelvetFletcher January 25, 2014 at 11:57 am

See, I couldn’t understand it. It’s like those twenty-somethings in romance/erotica books who have never even touched themselves. Alien to me entirely!

Thank you for explaining a little.

Previous post:

Next post: